Wednesday, April 11, 2007
reaction essay
In this picture generally, you can see a lot of items have destroyed because of the bad weather. When you focus on the picture, you will see some people who have lost their houses and they live in poor houses which are small rooms that have made of wood. Those small rooms are closed to an area of water, it looks like a river. The ground which is next to the water area is broken. The children go down to the water area and try to find something which they can make useful with. According to looking for the picture we can say that it shows the effects of the bad weather, poor area, and how people try hardly to get their food.
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"In this picture generally, you can see a lot of items have destroyed because of the bad weather."
In general, don't use 'you' when you write an academic essay. Also, you need to use the passive here: "items have been destroyed"
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"When you focus on the picture, you will see some people who have lost their houses"
Again, don't use 'you'
You could rewrite this like: In the picture there are some people who have lost their houses.
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"Those small rooms are closed to an area of water, it looks like a river."
This is called a 'run-on' sentence. Here, you have 2 independent clauses that are connected with only a comma. This is not possible. You need to use a coordinating conjunction or transition.
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"we can say that it shows the effects of the bad weather, poor area, and how people try hardly to get their food."
Here, you have a problem with parallel structure. Whenever you have a list of 2 or more things, you need to use the same grammar structure. For example, you can't say "I like runnning, swimming, and to ski" because you have 2 gerunds and an infinitive. All of the thinggs need to be gerunds or infinitives. Of course, you may use any grammatical structure as long as they are all the same.
Derek
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